WOMAN WATCHES T.V., PICKS TRASH, ENDS UP WITH BETTER LIFE THAN ME.

NEW YORK – Who says television's bad for you?

Justine Faeth's favorite show is "Law & Order Special Victims Unit." The Manhattan office assistant recently used sleuthing skills she picked up from the show to help police catch a man accused of a string of robberies.

The suspect walked into the production company where Faeth works. Police say he stole an employee's purse, an iPod and a wallet. Before leaving, he drank water and blew his nose. Faeth saved the cup and tissue. Investigators used DNA samples from the items to track down and arrest a suspect.

On Thursday, Faeth appeared on NBC's "Today" show. Actress Mariska Hargitay, who plays a "Law & Order" detective, called in to express her "awe." They even discussed the possibility of Faeth doing a walk-on.

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Oh. My bad. I didn’t realize that picking the fucking trash was heroic. Yesterday I read about a homeless girl who got an internship with Elle Magazine and today this. What the balls do I have to do to improve my own life, where by all accounts nothing I do can dramatically improve my work life, social life, housing situation, or the fact that I’ve never had 15 minutes of fame. Cuz listen, I’ve put lots of tissues in the trash that have potential evidence on them. And I didn’t know being able to blog while homeless meant you deserve an “opportunity”. Shit, I’ll spoon a homeless drunk guy tonight and “tweet” about how bad I smell while he dreams of hot fires in garbage cans.

Not to mention, she did this by watching Law & Order. So watching Law & Order = Crime-fighter.

I guess tomorrow I will start…

• Drinking scotch and banging secretaries on Madison Avenue tomorrow.

• Cooking meth to save money for my family in case of emergency.

• Hooking up with Bret Michaels on the tour bus.

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