"Real gold. Now bring on the real pussy."
Last week, Phelps got into an accident in Baltimore, telling police that he had drunk a beer about an hour beforehand. He wasn’t charged with anything, but on top of this now sits his DUI last year and his infamous “bong” photos. Here’s an open letter to Michael Phelps.
Dear Michael,
Stay in the water. You have never been arrested while being in the water. Any photo ever taken of you in the water has been bong-less and celebrated by the whole nation. Any picture out of water has a 40% chance of showing you with booze, a bong, or women (and celebrated by the normal people who- including me- who don’t care about your future). And yes, I realize that that is why you swim. You’re like any other man. You work hard, you earn money, you use money and gold to get what you want, which is women, booze, and sure, a milky bong or two. But if you can build a mansion with a pool, and pay for security guards, then you can just STAY in the pool. The guards can bring the women and the bongs TO the pool. You can practice, fuck, have a Corona, smoke a bong, and take a nap…. all while staying IN the pool. It’s your hot-spot. It’s your fucking zone. Stay in your wheelhouse. Come out for some gold once every 4 years like a Leprechaun, and then hop back in your private pool.
If we need to compromise, then at least consider getting a private driver. Thanks for listening.
-Witty Digz
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