A recent Time.com article takes shots at Fantasy Footballers and questions whether the industry is healthy for America, saying that "Your draft decisions don't affect reality."
Draft decisions don’t affect reality? How’s this for reality: Every Labor Day weekend, me and 10+ friends meet at a house on the St. Lawrence River for what can only be described as an incredible “fantasy” weekend. Beer pong, golf tournaments, KanJam, cornhole, grilling, booze, the draft, and on and on it goes. Then I go home, and I wait for every Sunday. I now care more about every single NFL game that I ever have. Why? Because there is money on the line. That’s real, a-hole. That's a REAL good weekend that I look forward to for 51 weeks a year.
Then, Sean Gregory (article author), you say fantasy only “bores your non-fantasy friends.” Why the dick would I ever be friends with someone who hates fantasy football?! They’re probably all buying Speedos and heading over to your house for a pillow-fight-and-cosmo party anyways.
Your next point: “According to a recent estimate, fantasy football drains $9 billion out of workplace productivity."
Counterpoint: Fuck you. Drains $9 billion?? How about the fact that 90% of the people I talk to are having their lives drained from their bodies just by the fact that they have to schlep into work year-round at jobs that they hate anyways. Why do you think I have to write this blog?! It’s so I don’t kill myself, sir.
Let me guess your response: “Well you put yourself in that position. Get a job you enjoy.”
Dude. It’s not the job. It’s “JOBS”. People like me don’t like spending 80% of our week busting our asses just so we can enjoy 2 measly days off. We’re stuck in the Matrix. And to get out of the Matrix, we need the fake fix: Fantasy football.
"Plus, our obsession keeps getting stranger. For example, 11 big-city mayors from across the country are competing against one another for charity in a Yahoo! fantasy-football league this year. And they're really getting into it, which is great, because if there's one thing struggling cities like Buffalo, N.Y., and Oakland, Calif., need, it's their mayors debating a tight-end swap between budget meetings.”
Why are you busting on mayors that are donating to charity? Do you hate children or something?
This guy goes on and on about how bad he sucks, by way of making fun of fantasy football. For instance: "But if you still think fantasy-dork mayors are a head scratcher..." and "It also says, I know how to spend money on stupid stuff." It's just infuriating. His wife must freakin' own him. I couldn't find his email address but I'm assuming you can send complaints to SeanGregory.HugePussy.
In summary, the trophies, the customized T-shirts, beer coozies, pong cups, money, camaraderie, excitement and good times are very REAL. And you sir, are a douche.
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