It seems the company Ardyss has made the Body Magic girdle, which costs $150 and sucks your body into better shape through pain and agony.
Hmm, it chokes your stomach so you can't eat? Yes, this is a terrific buy for the completely untaimed eater (aka, an elephant or other mammal without reasoning abilities). But you don't need to spend $150 on something that makes you so uncomfortable you can't eat. Try any of these "magical" solutions for under $30:
-Instead of wrapping your midsection in a cast, wrap a towel around your mouth. And no, don't dip the towel in chocolate. I'm aware that this is a delicacy in the south. But if you can read this, you're not from the south. Because you can read.
-Have your husband/wife buy a pad-lock for the fridge. Of course, a true fatty will try to gnaw through the metal, but that will merely end in a toothless fatty. Result? The toothless fatty can now only drink liquids, which will lead to weight loss. Win-win.
-Show some restraint. Now hold on. I know this sounds utterly insane, but hear me out fatterson. Sometimes when we see things, we don't have to put them in our mouth. Sometimes we can just say, "Oh that looks good. I'll have a banana and a glass of water instead." And things like cell phones, small animals, and your left hand actually aren't supposed to be eaten at all.
But if you want the easy way out, yes, please use this painful body magic girdle. I'm serious. Whatever works. Just don't get depressed when you read this blog and eat your computer. It's full of mercury. Which is NOT a French pastry.
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