After Kanye West’s most recent cringe-inducing incident, when he sabotaged young Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at Sunday’s VMA’s, Kanye West came out with a heart-breaking admittance.
“I am, and have been for a long time, addicted to being a complete asshole,” said West, breaking down into tears. “It started when I first learned to rhyme. I remember vividly, I rhymed the word ‘asshole’ with ‘black cole’, and I knew I was better than anyone who had ever been born. Ever since then, every time I speak, I make a delicious new rhyme. Right on time.”
Asked what it would take for him to not act douchey and asshole-ish, West was miffed and immediately burst into rhyme:
“You ask me not be hole full of ass,
but I look in the back of my black Cadillac,
and all I see is a whole boat-full of ass.
Now tell me what I lack?
Man yo’ shit is wack.
I might be an asshole
but you just an ass crack.”
Still crying, he then kicked our reporter in the balls, before tea-bagging him and then autographing his forehead. “I’m sorry, man. I can’t help myself. I am just a huge fucking asshole addict. And I predict your dick gettin’ kicked.” After one more dick kick, Mr. West ran out of the building, hurling bricks at homeless people and small children.
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