ODD NEWS STORIES DOWN, BEASTIALITY UP.

I can't find shit to write about. It's like, either the Yankees won a game or someone was raped, killed, and put inside of a wall at Yale. There's no middle ground this week. Why can't Hillary Clinton's tit fall out or something? Hell, at this rate I'll take Rush Limbaugh's tit. Those fucking "tea party" freaks make me want to stab babies. Ignorance is alive and well, and I'd laugh my ass off if it didn't make me want to cry. I don't care if you're for or against health-care, but if you're a fat inbreeder from the South who's waiting for the revival of the KKK, you should probably just shoot yourself in the face instead of continuing to shoot yourself in the foot. Your mouth is either choking on ignorance or a Whopper, and both are unsightly.

I miss the days when Kanye was doing dumb shit. Click on that link. Well worth it. At the same time, you know you're big when the fucking President calls you a jack-ass. You just got presidentially punked, bitch! That's quite an honor.

Then again, he's not the only one getting caught on tape. Legendary NYC anchorman Ernie Anastos is telling co-workers to fuck chickens. At my job, when you talk about chicken fucking, you're referring to Saturday night. I'm not sure what will happen to good ol' Ernie at FOX News.

So in summary, I wish there was more to talk about than beastiality, but sometimes you have to take what you can get. Unless you get AIDS. Then you should really try to trade up.

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Kanye to Swayze: "Hold up..."

As a follow-up to all the Kanye ruckus, I don't know who created this, but you sir are a hero. Special thanks to O.P. for the send-along.

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KANYE WEST: “I'M ADDICTED TO BEING AN ASSHOLE.”

After Kanye West’s most recent cringe-inducing incident, when he sabotaged young Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at Sunday’s VMA’s, Kanye West came out with a heart-breaking admittance.

“I am, and have been for a long time, addicted to being a complete asshole,” said West, breaking down into tears. “It started when I first learned to rhyme. I remember vividly, I rhymed the word ‘asshole’ with ‘black cole’, and I knew I was better than anyone who had ever been born. Ever since then, every time I speak, I make a delicious new rhyme. Right on time.”

Asked what it would take for him to not act douchey and asshole-ish, West was miffed and immediately burst into rhyme:

“You ask me not be hole full of ass,
but I look in the back of my black Cadillac,
and all I see is a whole boat-full of ass.
Now tell me what I lack?
Man yo’ shit is wack.
I might be an asshole
but you just an ass crack.”

Still crying, he then kicked our reporter in the balls, before tea-bagging him and then autographing his forehead. “I’m sorry, man. I can’t help myself. I am just a huge fucking asshole addict. And I predict your dick gettin’ kicked.” After one more dick kick, Mr. West ran out of the building, hurling bricks at homeless people and small children.

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