Last night, Derek Jeter became the New York Yankees all-time hit leader, a feat that should not be minimized when considering all of the Yankee greats he out-hit to get there. Babe, Mantle, Dimaggio, Mattingly, etc. But the always humble Jeter once again shied away from the record, saying that Gehrig will always hold one record over him:
“I have nothing to brag about. It feels good to have the most hits by a Yankee. It really does. But I have more work to do. Until I have a life-threatening disease named after me, I will not be the Greatest Yankee. I wake up in sweats at night, dreaming that someday people will die, or at the very least be wheel-chair ridden, by Derek Jeter’s Disease. That is something that would really put me in the hearts and minds of America and the world.”
Asked to explain these feelings, Jeter continued, “In my mind, Derek Jeter’s Disease, or DJD, as it will be called, would start affecting people by making them nauseous, and eventually, in rare cases, end with a worm that would eat their brains. My team of scientists have yet to figure that last part out. But Lou, if you’re up there, just realize that I’m gunnin’ for ya. You keep me focused, big guy.”
Jeter finished by saying that he’d also like to find an extremely hot relative of Marilyn Monroe and marry, and then divorce her.
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