"Mischa's horror"
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Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
VERMONT MAN LOVES TOILET, HATES SON.
Someone's got a case of the Mondays!! Local Vershire, VT. drunkard, Nazeih Hammouri, has been arrested for stabbing his 19-year old son over a clogged toilet. Obviously, the stabbing weapon of choice was a corkscrew. Hey Nazeih, next time you’re going to get shit-faced on wine, just take the bag out of the box. If you slap someone with a huge bag of wine, it hurts. But does it leave a mark? Maybe not.
Just judging by my own levels of drunkenness, I'm assuming this guy shit-bombed the dickens out of his own toilet, completely forgot about it, blamed his son, and then cork-stabbed him. Awesome. "How's your week going? Mine SUCKS."
On the plus side for his son, many backwoods drunks probably stab their children with their penises instead of actual weapons.
So congratulations to you, Nazeih’s son, on not being banged by your father! Cheers!
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Friday, October 16, 2009
HOT CHICK FRIDAYS!
Is it already Friday again? I'm heading to the Yankees playoff game tonight, so I will be highly aroused all day. For the rest of you, there's HCFridays...
I bet if I was a shark, I wouldn't try to eat her. I'd be too embarrassed by my big shark-boner.
What is that frilly bottom all about? It's incredibly sexy and I have no idea why. Is your leg wet? Is that why you're rubbing it? Do you want me to dry your leg? I could dry your leg. Do you want me to? Dry? Your leg?
This is rare. Here we have an Asian girl with bombs from Texas. This girl is the anthropomorphization of those restaurants that offer both Mexican food and General Tsao's chicken. Did that big word ruin the joke for you? Don't test me! I swear to god i'll get an abortion!
Another girl taking a picture of herself. Classier than most, this one is kind enough to throw a middle finger into the mix. INSERT FINGER JOKE HERE.... Beautiful camera though.
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Thursday, October 15, 2009
ABORTION ADDICT: “HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!”
Irene Vilar has written a new book in which she claims addiction to the thrill, fear, and rebelliousness of abortions. Over 17 years she had 15 abortions, all in the name of empowering herself over her mentally abusive husband.
Daaaaamn! The last time you “rebelled” against anyone, you probably watched football at the bar ‘til 7pm when your wife wanted you home at 6. Way to show her who’s boss, big guy! Not Irene Vilar. Mountain Dew needs to get a contract together ASAP, cuz this bitch is EXTREME!!!!!
HUSBAND:
“Excuse me, Irene. I was thinking we could go to Italy for vacation this year.”
IRENE:
“Good idea, IDIOT! I’m gonna go kill a baby. Try to think of a better place next time.”
HUSBAND:
“Dinner was great. Could you get me a beer?”
IRENE:
“You don’t OWN ME! I’m gonna go kill our baby.”
HUSBAND:
“What do you think of a threesome?”
IRENE:
“You insensitive dick! I’m gonna go buy a 6-pack of hangers.”
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
MILK, MILK, LEMONADE ...
I don’t have any background on European farmers and their fight against low milk prices, but I found this image incredibly disturbing. I’m not worried about the cows or animal cruelty or things of that nature. I’m worried about the same thing you are: A world where cows take over and make us their bitches. Because if that happens, then THIS will happen:
Cow semen-farmers will someday wage a battle against the cow government based on plummeting prices of human semen. And then the cows will take me and their other humans to Picadilly Square or Times Square or Tiananmen fucking Square, and they’ll start beating me off and pointing my dick at the cow riot squad and squirting my semen at cow police officers. And that will just be the most embarrassing fucking thing in the world. I’ll orgasm, my knees will buckle in ecstasy, I’ll no doubt start crying, and I’ll probably simultaneously get run into by a cow.
On the plus side, that’s one less thing to worry about on my bucket list.
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Monday, October 12, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
SWEET FLIP FAIL MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE LESS OF A LOSER.
Doesn't really matter what your week was like or what you have planned for the weekend. This video will make you feel better about life ... unless you are a paraplegic, in which case, thanks for reading, anyways. Keep on keepin' on, friend.
If you've never been to Fail Blog, you probably still use dial-up or "have kids" that "need" "attention."
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Thursday, October 8, 2009
That is one HOT teacher!
Sylvia Tagle, a teacher in Miami Lakes, Florida, was put on probation after she spiked an autistic student’s soda with hot sauce. She had also been accused of pulling a student’s hair and not changing soiled diapers. Well, Satan, err, Sylvia, now that your iron fist reign on Autistics has come to an end, I just want to give you some fun, whimsical choices to keep your days light and your smiles plentiful.
1) What time does the retard class start? I’d recommend giving the ones that can stand wedgies, and just pushing the ones in wheel chairs down stairs.
2) Although banging a younger student is clearly a cliché for teachers in the south these days, you could really set a new precedent by banging a blind 9-year old, or at least letting him play “Who’s in My Mouth” with you.
3) Ever need extra cash? Start a babysitting service, and then when the parents leave just shake the shit out of them.
4) Punch your grandfather, or someone that looks real old.
5) Chop a puppy’s head off.
6) In the ultimate revenge on the Autism-loving sons-of-bitches, have your own children.
TAKE THAT AUTISM! SYLVIA DON’T NEED YOU!
This list could go on for centuries, and I welcome readers’ additional thoughts in the comments section.
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